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<html lang="zh"><head><title>不要把幸福建立在别人的痛苦之上</title><meta charset="utf-8"/><link rel="preconnect" href="https://fonts.googleapis.com"/><link rel="preconnect" href="https://fonts.gstatic.com"/><link rel="stylesheet" href="https://fonts.googleapis.com/css2?family=IBM Plex Mono&family=Noto Serif Simplified Chinese:wght@400;700&family=Source Sans Pro:ital,wght@0,400;0,600;1,400;1,600&display=swap"/><meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1.0"/><meta property="og:title" content="不要把幸福建立在别人的痛苦之上"/><meta property="og:description" content="不要把幸福建立在别人的痛苦之上."/><meta property="og:image" content="https://wiki.7wate.com/static/og-image.png"/><meta property="og:width" content="1200"/><meta property="og:height" content="675"/><link rel="icon" href="../../../static/icon.png"/><meta name="description" content="不要把幸福建立在别人的痛苦之上."/><meta name="generator" content="Quartz"/><link href="../../../index.css" rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" spa-preserve/><link href="https://cdnjs.cloudflare.com/ajax/libs/KaTeX/0.16.9/katex.min.css" rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" spa-preserve/><script src="../../../prescript.js" type="application/javascript" spa-preserve></script><script type="application/javascript" spa-preserve>const fetchData = fetch("../../../static/contentIndex.json").then(data => data.json())</script></head><body data-slug="Personal/Blog/2023/不要把幸福建立在别人的痛苦之上"><div id="quartz-root" class="page"><div id="quartz-body"><div class="left sidebar"><h2 class="page-title"><a href="../../..">🪴 X·Eden</a></h2><div class="spacer mobile-only"></div><div class="search"><button class="search-button" id="search-button"><p>搜索</p><svg role="img" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 19.9 19.7"><title>Search</title><g class="search-path" fill="none"><path stroke-linecap="square" d="M18.5 18.3l-5.4-5.4"></path><circle cx="8" cy="8" r="7"></circle></g></svg></button><div id="search-container"><div id="search-space"><input autocomplete="off" id="search-bar" name="search" type="text" aria-label="搜索些什么" placeholder="搜索些什么"/><div id="search-layout" data-preview="true"></div></div></div></div><button class="darkmode" id="darkmode"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" xmlns:xlink="http://www.w3.org/1999/xlink" version="1.1" id="dayIcon" x="0px" y="0px" viewBox="0 0 35 35" style="enable-background:new 0 0 35 35" xml:space="preserve" aria-label="暗色模式"><title>暗色模式</title><path d="M6,17.5C6,16.672,5.328,16,4.5,16h-3C0.672,16,0,16.672,0,17.5 S0.672,19,1.5,19h3C5.328,19,6,18.328,6,17.5z M7.5,26c-0.414,0-0.789,0.168-1.061,0.439l-2,2C4.168,28.711,4,29.086,4,29.5 C4,30.328,4.671,31,5.5,31c0.414,0,0.789-0.168,1.06-0.44l2-2C8.832,28.289,9,27.914,9,27.5C9,26.672,8.329,26,7.5,26z M17.5,6 C18.329,6,19,5.328,19,4.5v-3C19,0.672,18.329,0,17.5,0S16,0.672,16,1.5v3C16,5.328,16.671,6,17.5,6z M27.5,9 c0.414,0,0.789-0.168,1.06-0.439l2-2C30.832,6.289,31,5.914,31,5.5C31,4.672,30.329,4,29.5,4c-0.414,0-0.789,0.168-1.061,0.44 l-2,2C26.168,6.711,26,7.086,26,7.5C26,8.328,26.671,9,27.5,9z M6.439,8.561C6.711,8.832,7.086,9,7.5,9C8.328,9,9,8.328,9,7.5 c0-0.414-0.168-0.789-0.439-1.061l-2-2C6.289,4.168,5.914,4,5.5,4C4.672,4,4,4.672,4,5.5c0,0.414,0.168,0.789,0.439,1.06 L6.439,8.561z M33.5,16h-3c-0.828,0-1.5,0.672-1.5,1.5s0.672,1.5,1.5,1.5h3c0.828,0,1.5-0.672,1.5-1.5S34.328,16,33.5,16z M28.561,26.439C28.289,26.168,27.914,26,27.5,26c-0.828,0-1.5,0.672-1.5,1.5c0,0.414,0.168,0.789,0.439,1.06l2,2 C28.711,30.832,29.086,31,29.5,31c0.828,0,1.5-0.672,1.5-1.5c0-0.414-0.168-0.789-0.439-1.061L28.561,26.439z M17.5,29 c-0.829,0-1.5,0.672-1.5,1.5v3c0,0.828,0.671,1.5,1.5,1.5s1.5-0.672,1.5-1.5v-3C19,29.672,18.329,29,17.5,29z M17.5,7 C11.71,7,7,11.71,7,17.5S11.71,28,17.5,28S28,23.29,28,17.5S23.29,7,17.5,7z M17.5,25c-4.136,0-7.5-3.364-7.5-7.5 c0-4.136,3.364-7.5,7.5-7.5c4.136,0,7.5,3.364,7.5,7.5C25,21.636,21.636,25,17.5,25z"></path></svg><svg x
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<p>在这，我相信很多人都是起始于二极管式的黑白判断——对就是对，错就是错，容不得半点马虎。然而，在成长的过程中，我们不可避免地会接触到灰色地带，我也曾因此感到迷茫。直到我领悟到，世界不仅仅是黑白灰，更多的是五颜六色的世界。毕竟人间自有真情在，宜将寸心报春晖。</p>
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<p>小时候，我总是在问什么是对的？什么又是错的？我坚信万事万物终有对错，都应该有一个标准答案。在《你愿意嫁给自己么?》我有提到，从小特别不擅长语言类科目，为何极其热爱数学——因为它总能给我一个确切的答案。并且如果一旦做错选择，那么我就会陷入深深的懊悔，开始内耗。可实际上，生活中的选择和决策远比数学题复杂，它们往往没有标准答案。我们处在的每一个时间节点都受限于时间、空间和认知的局限性。毕竟，一叶障目，怎见泰山？</p>
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<p>我的这种认知第一次受到挑战是在我了解到实际现象的复杂性时。以前家乡因经济条件受限，听说一些家庭无法正常娶妻生子，于是这种环境催生了买卖妇女儿童的需求。从法律和道德的角度来看，这无疑是错误的。但假设，卖方愿意，被卖方也接受，虽然本质上是一场金钱交易，可结果却是双方都接受这一交易。这让我开始怀疑，之前坚定的黑白判断是否过于简化了人性的复杂和社会的现实。以及后来，看到有些买来的妇女和家庭其乐融融，我也不禁开始怀疑自己。</p>
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<p>学生时期，我也有遇到过大大小小不公平的事情，以及步入社会遇到的各种人情世故，让我进一步意识到事物的多面性。每一个决策和判断都不可能仅仅分为对错，而是需要在复杂的社会背景和个人经历中进行权衡。例如前段时间分享的 V2Ex 老哥由于其纯粹的性格，与新工作的职场环境格格不入，最后闹得大家都不欢喜。我相信，大多数人也曾遇到过类似的事情。我逐渐意识到，万事万物似乎没有天平可以衡量，更像是一个跷跷板，时而上时而下。在动态发展中的事物，用绝对的眼光去衡量是不可能的。</p>
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<p>我曾陷入黑白灰价值观很久，甚至以为掌握了人世间的法宝，想用它去敲打每一个人。</p>
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<p>工作后，我开始见山观海，看世界。不断的经历和体验，让我看到了同一个世界处于不同时空的众生相。特别是年初的川西之旅，短短几天跑了万里路，体验了许多人的生活。这不是我第一次了解文化的差异，毕竟山在哪里和山在眼前，天壤之别。</p>
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<p>在旅程中，我体验到了完全不同的文化习俗。比如云南丽江纳西族的男士在家带小孩，而女士在外为生活拼搏奋斗。川西路上步行前往拉萨的藏民，他们的虔诚信仰深深触动了我。还有骑行者沿 318 国道前往拉萨，我也曾梦想着骑行 318。河南延津的戍边英雄肖思远，他清澈的爱，只为中国。这些五彩斑斓的众生相，击碎了我过去的黑白灰世界观。</p>
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<p>是啊，如果你只认为存在黑、白、灰，总有人会用纯粹的信仰、爱，来挑战你的观点。那么，究竟什么样的价值观才能让我们少走弯路呢？我不断思考，询问朋友，但每个人的回答都不尽相同。有人说：做大家都认为对的事；有人说：在对的时间做对的事；还有人说：只有做错了，才知道什么是对的。</p>
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<p>有一次，我和女朋友争吵后，冷静下来思考：这并不是第一次恋爱，为什么感情中还是容易发生争执？可是感情中除了原则性问题，其实并不存在绝对的对错。每个人从小的原生家庭、教育经历、生活阅历，加上经历的磨难，构成了独一无二的个体。我喜欢苹果，给喜欢梨的你一个苹果，期待你接受我的爱。但你却在想，为何不是梨？</p>
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<p>有些人早早辍学，打工养家，我们可能会说他们应该追求更多。但对他们来说，能够维持家庭的基本生活已是成功。还有一些人苦学十八载，最后 996 工作，我们可能羡慕他们的收入。但对他们来说，这样的工作可能充满了无声的苦楚。</p>
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<p>生活中的决策和判断往往不可能简单分为黑白灰，也不存在绝对的是非。事实上，很多问题复杂多变，涉及多种因素和不同角度。世界上超过 70 亿人口，近 200 个国家，超过 5000 种地方语言，成千上万种文化习俗，更难区分所谓的是非对错。</p>
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<p>我们唯一能做到的是，不要把幸福建立在别人的痛苦之上。虽然运动是物质的基本属性，但人生每个阶段的幸福，本质上是内心的充盈和精神力的富足。一定会有人反驳，我也没有选择把快乐建立在别人的痛苦之上，可是别人的选择却给我带来了的痛苦？那我应该怎么办？</p>
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<p>我们应该向内修心，向外求助。充分理解当下社会的公序良知，借助法律和道德的力量。毕竟除了身体上的痛苦，大部分的痛苦源于认知的局限，我们内心应向善向美。如果无法自行解决，就寻求家人、朋友、教师或社会的爱心帮助。虽然可能遇到一两个坏人，但并非所有人都是坏人。</p>
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<p>我们的决策不仅影响当前，还潜移默化地塑造长期的影响。像那些一出生就在富裕家庭，享有优质教育和资源的人，他们可以先睹为快地看看这个世界。你可能羡慕他们的选择自由，但其实你也可以放心大胆地去追求你的梦想，只要切记不要把幸福建立在别人的痛苦之上。同时，一路上我们也不能总是只追求果，而忽略了过程中最重要的因。</p>
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<p>《你愿意嫁给自己么？》是我对内心的审视，一份关于内在价值观的导向。而《不要把幸福建立在别人的痛苦之上》则是对外部世界的价值观导向。实际上，并没有一个标准的价值观。我认为，我们应该首先让自己内心充盈，精神富足，坚信真善美。同时，进一步理解全球主流文化，尊重非主流文化，包容弱小群体。</p>
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<p>最后，<strong>我们应执着于理想，纯粹于当下，不在别人的痛苦之上寻找幸福。</strong></p></article><hr/><div class="page-footer"></div></div><div class="right sidebar"><div class="graph"><h3>关系图谱</h3><div class="graph-outer"><div id="graph-container" data-cfg="{"drag":true,"zoom":true,"depth":1,"scale":1.1,"repelForce":0.5,"centerForce":0.3,"linkDistance":30,"fontSize":0.6,"opacityScale":1,"showTags":true,"removeTags":[],"focusOnHover":false}"></div><button id="global-graph-icon" aria-label="Global Graph"><svg version="1.1" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" xmlns:xlink="http://www.w3.org/1999/xlink" x="0px" y="0px" viewBox="0 0 55 55" fill="currentColor" xml:space="preserve"><path d="M49,0c-3.309,0-6,2.691-6,6c0,1.035,0.263,2.009,0.726,2.86l-9.829,9.829C32.542,17.634,30.846,17,29,17
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