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<p>在这，我相信很多人都是起始于二极管式的黑白判断——对就是对，错就是错，容不得半点马虎。然而，在成长的过程中，我们不可避免地会接触到灰色地带，我也曾因此感到迷茫。直到我领悟到，世界不仅仅是黑白灰，更多的是五颜六色的世界。毕竟人间自有真情在，宜将寸心报春晖。</p>
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<p>小时候，我总是在问什么是对的？什么又是错的？我坚信万事万物终有对错，都应该有一个标准答案。在《你愿意嫁给自己么?》我有提到，从小特别不擅长语言类科目，为何极其热爱数学——因为它总能给我一个确切的答案。并且如果一旦做错选择，那么我就会陷入深深的懊悔，开始内耗。可实际上，生活中的选择和决策远比数学题复杂，它们往往没有标准答案。我们处在的每一个时间节点都受限于时间、空间和认知的局限性。毕竟，一叶障目，怎见泰山？</p>
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<p>我的这种认知第一次受到挑战是在我了解到实际现象的复杂性时。以前家乡因经济条件受限，听说一些家庭无法正常娶妻生子，于是这种环境催生了买卖妇女儿童的需求。从法律和道德的角度来看，这无疑是错误的。但假设，卖方愿意，被卖方也接受，虽然本质上是一场金钱交易，可结果却是双方都接受这一交易。这让我开始怀疑，之前坚定的黑白判断是否过于简化了人性的复杂和社会的现实。以及后来，看到有些买来的妇女和家庭其乐融融，我也不禁开始怀疑自己。</p>
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<p>学生时期，我也有遇到过大大小小不公平的事情，以及步入社会遇到的各种人情世故，让我进一步意识到事物的多面性。每一个决策和判断都不可能仅仅分为对错，而是需要在复杂的社会背景和个人经历中进行权衡。例如前段时间分享的 V2Ex 老哥由于其纯粹的性格，与新工作的职场环境格格不入，最后闹得大家都不欢喜。我相信，大多数人也曾遇到过类似的事情。我逐渐意识到，万事万物似乎没有天平可以衡量，更像是一个跷跷板，时而上时而下。在动态发展中的事物，用绝对的眼光去衡量是不可能的。</p>
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<p>我曾陷入黑白灰价值观很久，甚至以为掌握了人世间的法宝，想用它去敲打每一个人。</p>
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<p>工作后，我开始见山观海，看世界。不断的经历和体验，让我看到了同一个世界处于不同时空的众生相。特别是年初的川西之旅，短短几天跑了万里路，体验了许多人的生活。这不是我第一次了解文化的差异，毕竟山在哪里和山在眼前，天壤之别。</p>
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<p>在旅程中，我体验到了完全不同的文化习俗。比如云南丽江纳西族的男士在家带小孩，而女士在外为生活拼搏奋斗。川西路上步行前往拉萨的藏民，他们的虔诚信仰深深触动了我。还有骑行者沿 318 国道前往拉萨，我也曾梦想着骑行 318。河南延津的戍边英雄肖思远，他清澈的爱，只为中国。这些五彩斑斓的众生相，击碎了我过去的黑白灰世界观。</p>
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<p>是啊，如果你只认为存在黑、白、灰，总有人会用纯粹的信仰、爱，来挑战你的观点。那么，究竟什么样的价值观才能让我们少走弯路呢？我不断思考，询问朋友，但每个人的回答都不尽相同。有人说：做大家都认为对的事；有人说：在对的时间做对的事；还有人说：只有做错了，才知道什么是对的。</p>
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<p>有一次，我和女朋友争吵后，冷静下来思考：这并不是第一次恋爱，为什么感情中还是容易发生争执？可是感情中除了原则性问题，其实并不存在绝对的对错。每个人从小的原生家庭、教育经历、生活阅历，加上经历的磨难，构成了独一无二的个体。我喜欢苹果，给喜欢梨的你一个苹果，期待你接受我的爱。但你却在想，为何不是梨？</p>
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<p>有些人早早辍学，打工养家，我们可能会说他们应该追求更多。但对他们来说，能够维持家庭的基本生活已是成功。还有一些人苦学十八载，最后 996 工作，我们可能羡慕他们的收入。但对他们来说，这样的工作可能充满了无声的苦楚。</p>
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<p>生活中的决策和判断往往不可能简单分为黑白灰，也不存在绝对的是非。事实上，很多问题复杂多变，涉及多种因素和不同角度。世界上超过 70 亿人口，近 200 个国家，超过 5000 种地方语言，成千上万种文化习俗，更难区分所谓的是非对错。</p>
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<p>我们唯一能做到的是，不要把幸福建立在别人的痛苦之上。虽然运动是物质的基本属性，但人生每个阶段的幸福，本质上是内心的充盈和精神力的富足。一定会有人反驳，我也没有选择把快乐建立在别人的痛苦之上，可是别人的选择却给我带来了的痛苦？那我应该怎么办？</p>
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<p>我们应该向内修心，向外求助。充分理解当下社会的公序良知，借助法律和道德的力量。毕竟除了身体上的痛苦，大部分的痛苦源于认知的局限，我们内心应向善向美。如果无法自行解决，就寻求家人、朋友、教师或社会的爱心帮助。虽然可能遇到一两个坏人，但并非所有人都是坏人。</p>
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<p>我们的决策不仅影响当前，还潜移默化地塑造长期的影响。像那些一出生就在富裕家庭，享有优质教育和资源的人，他们可以先睹为快地看看这个世界。你可能羡慕他们的选择自由，但其实你也可以放心大胆地去追求你的梦想，只要切记不要把幸福建立在别人的痛苦之上。同时，一路上我们也不能总是只追求果，而忽略了过程中最重要的因。</p>
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<p>《你愿意嫁给自己么？》是我对内心的审视，一份关于内在价值观的导向。而《不要把幸福建立在别人的痛苦之上》则是对外部世界的价值观导向。实际上，并没有一个标准的价值观。我认为，我们应该首先让自己内心充盈，精神富足，坚信真善美。同时，进一步理解全球主流文化，尊重非主流文化，包容弱小群体。</p>
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<p>最后，<strong>我们应执着于理想，纯粹于当下，不在别人的痛苦之上寻找幸福。</strong></p></article></div><div class="right sidebar"><div class="graph "><h3>Graph View</h3><div class="graph-outer"><div id="graph-container" data-cfg="{"drag":true,"zoom":true,"depth":1,"scale":1.1,"repelForce":0.5,"centerForce":0.3,"linkDistance":30,"fontSize":0.6,"opacityScale":1,"showTags":true,"removeTags":[]}"></div><svg version="1.1" id="global-graph-icon" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" xmlnsXlink="http://www.w3.org/1999/xlink" x="0px" y="0px" viewBox="0 0 55 55" fill="currentColor" xmlSpace="preserve"><path d="M49,0c-3.309,0-6,2.691-6,6c0,1.035,0.263,2.009,0.726,2.86l-9.829,9.829C32.542,17.634,30.846,17,29,17
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|
outerBlock.classList.toggle(`is-collapsed`);
|
|||
|
|
const collapsed = outerBlock.classList.contains(`is-collapsed`);
|
|||
|
|
const height = collapsed ? this.scrollHeight : outerBlock.scrollHeight;
|
|||
|
|
outerBlock.style.maxHeight = height + `px`;
|
|||
|
|
let current = outerBlock;
|
|||
|
|
let parent = outerBlock.parentElement;
|
|||
|
|
while (parent) {
|
|||
|
|
if (!parent.classList.contains(`callout`)) {
|
|||
|
|
return;
|
|||
|
|
}
|
|||
|
|
const collapsed2 = parent.classList.contains(`is-collapsed`);
|
|||
|
|
const height2 = collapsed2 ? parent.scrollHeight : parent.scrollHeight + current.scrollHeight;
|
|||
|
|
parent.style.maxHeight = height2 + `px`;
|
|||
|
|
current = parent;
|
|||
|
|
parent = parent.parentElement;
|
|||
|
|
}
|
|||
|
|
}
|
|||
|
|
function setupCallout() {
|
|||
|
|
const collapsible = document.getElementsByClassName(
|
|||
|
|
`callout is-collapsible`
|
|||
|
|
);
|
|||
|
|
for (const div of collapsible) {
|
|||
|
|
const title = div.firstElementChild;
|
|||
|
|
if (title) {
|
|||
|
|
title.removeEventListener(`click`, toggleCallout);
|
|||
|
|
title.addEventListener(`click`, toggleCallout);
|
|||
|
|
const collapsed = div.classList.contains(`is-collapsed`);
|
|||
|
|
const height = collapsed ? title.scrollHeight : div.scrollHeight;
|
|||
|
|
div.style.maxHeight = height + `px`;
|
|||
|
|
}
|
|||
|
|
}
|
|||
|
|
}
|
|||
|
|
document.addEventListener(`nav`, setupCallout);
|
|||
|
|
window.addEventListener(`resize`, setupCallout);
|
|||
|
|
</script><script type="module">
|
|||
|
|
import mermaid from 'https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/npm/mermaid/dist/mermaid.esm.min.mjs';
|
|||
|
|
const darkMode = document.documentElement.getAttribute('saved-theme') === 'dark'
|
|||
|
|
mermaid.initialize({
|
|||
|
|
startOnLoad: false,
|
|||
|
|
securityLevel: 'loose',
|
|||
|
|
theme: darkMode ? 'dark' : 'default'
|
|||
|
|
});
|
|||
|
|
document.addEventListener('nav', async () => {
|
|||
|
|
await mermaid.run({
|
|||
|
|
querySelector: '.mermaid'
|
|||
|
|
})
|
|||
|
|
});
|
|||
|
|
</script><script src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/npm/katex@0.16.7/dist/contrib/copy-tex.min.js" type="application/javascript"></script><script src="../postscript.js" type="module"></script></html>
|